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by Garry Reed, The Loose Cannon Libertarian www.freecannon.com

Based on the world of punditry's reaction, the most popular Super Bowl commercials were the two our drug goons at the Office of National Drug Control Policy paid 3.4 million taxpayer dollars to broadcast to us benighted commoners. A Libertarian Party news release called them "Super Bowloney." No-Spin Zone Bill O'Reilly generally agreed with them because, well, because he's a conservative. Democrat Rep. Steny Hoyer fantasized that the fraudulent messages would somehow "convince young people to stay away from drugs for their own good and that of their community."

In case you missed them, the two ads asserted that if you buy politically disapproved drugs you're helping to fund international terrorism. With that as its thesis, one of the ads, with its explicit tag line "Drug Money Supports Terror," shoves a series of extreme close-ups of fresh-faced young middle class kids at us while saying things like:

Guy: I helped murder families in Columbia

Gal: I helped kidnap people's dads

Guy: I helped kids learn how to kill

Guy: I helped kill a policeman

Gal: I helped blow up buildings

(The ads can be seen on captions.com, whose only complaint is the fact that they weren't closed-captioned. Oops. Guess someone at the ONDCP flunked political-correctness.)

So let's see if we can follow the logic here. (Try not to fall asleep during this sentence.) If I inhale a quarter gram of heroin which I got from my cousin who got it from his girlfriend who got it from her brother who got it from a seller on his block who got it from a neighborhood dealer who got it from a supplier in the city who got it from a state-level provider who got it from a region-wide distributor who got it from an international smuggler who got it from a Pakistani broker who got it from an Afghan trader who got it from a warlord who paid a peasant farmer to grow poppies and used some of the loot to train terrorists, I'm guilty of killing a cop in Poughkeepsie.

Talk about your chaos theory. A butterfly flaps its wings in Katmandu and causes a hurricane in Florida. So let's launch a War on Butterflies and viola! Instant global weather control!

But telling one side of a story is not information, it's propaganda. When the government does the telling with our tax dollars, it's brainwashing. If the commercials are true, so is this: If I sidle down a dark alley to score a baggie of pot from a shady-looking dude named Guido who then gives my money to his old lady who buys a quart of milk for their kid, we ought to be seeing Super Bowl ads next year that say Smoke a Joint, Feed a Baby. Even better, the more you smoke, snort, huff, swallow and shoot dope the more you help to feed starving third world children!

But there's not just two sides to the drug war story. There are many sides. So what do you say, libertarians? Should I try writing my own TV spot? I've tried everything else. Letters to the editor, opinion columns, an op-ed, even a book review (don't ask). Here's my rough draft for a script. Call Mad Avenue! Have producers standing by!

Title: Drug Wars Kill

Tight close-ups - rapid cuts:

Senator: I helped kill your kid

Judge: I'm violating your Constitutional rights

Cop: I'm destroying your life

Montage of drug war violence:

Armed federal agents bashing in doors, raiding houses, kicking ass, beating faces, cracking heads, ramming cars, gunning down fleeing people.

Voiceover: Think the Drug War is a good idea? Think again. When drugs are outlawed, their cost is driven into billions of dollars that find their way into the pockets of vicious dealers who would otherwise have to work honest jobs - and into the pockets of vicious government drug warriors who otherwise might have remained decent. Your support of the War on Drugs makes it possible to legally shoot your fellow citizens for doing nothing more than what a bartender does every day. Your support makes it possible to seize innocent people's cars, boats, airplanes and homes.

Tight close-ups - rapid cuts:

Senator: I support tough drug laws to get reelected

Judge: I release murderers and rapists so I can jail pot smokers

Cop: I take payoffs to look the other way

Repeat montage of drug war violence

Voiceover: Think the Drug War is a good idea? Think again. Drug war tax money supports government terror

Fade to black


Garry Reed is a freelance writer living in Ft. Worth, Texas. His articles have appeared in the Fort Worth Star-Telegram, the Jefferson Review and LP News Online.
 
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