[Johnny handgun]

Please understand that I’m not looking for pity. I’m just looking to wrap my head around my situation.
At one time I was sitting quite well preparation wise. Lots of food, 1000 gallons of filtered treated water. Lots of guns, magazines, ammunition. First aid supplies, fuel, communications. Blah blah blah. I was working out hard, was in decent shape, I was very strong.

Then one morning it blindsided me. Massive heart attack. Torn descending aorta. Blood pressure went insane. Here I am 8 years later, thankful to be alive as they were only given me a few months once my ascending aorta completely burst. I survived that surgery too but my arteries and veins are blown out and I can barely walk due to deep vein thrombosis in my legs. I can barely walk a city block, strap on a 40 lb bag of gear and I’m lucky to make it 50 feet.

Most of my supplies are long gone other than guns, mags ammo etc. went from a big house to a one room apartment. Had to sell my business and now live on my social security.

I really am confused about where I go from here. Doctors tell me that every day is a blessing and with m uncontrolled blood pressure it’s amazing I haven’t had a stroke. Just looking for some ideas or insight. I’m a Christian and ave made peace with my savior.

 

[bluedodger]

I think you are beginning to face your reality by sharing your experiences. I can somewhat relate to your health matters .

 

[tray burge]

You and my friend are a living miracle, not many survive the "widow maker." Certainly be grateful for that. He has not had the surgery because it's too risky and was grounded right after, about 8 years ago too. (he was a commercial airline capt.)
I see him just about every week and he's just thankful everyday for another one and that's how he gets through. Just remember, God can cure all and continue to pray.
God bless brother.

 

[scubadad]

I have made and lost several fortunes due to a series of bad marriages. Now that I am happily on my 3rd the heart issues have started. So far so good but like you walking to the mail box can be an issue.

My brother went thru the same with a string of bad marriages. He desperately tried to hang on to all the material things and put himself in financial ruin. He asked me how I could just start over so many times. I told him to stop holding on to the material things. You can't take any of it with you. I went from a huge 5 bedroom house to a ratty trailer but I grew up poor so I was ok with it. After 2nd marriage failed I was sleeping on my 1st ex mother in laws couch. Talk about a kick in the nuts. I regrouped and got my own place then shortly after that I met my current wife and all is well again.

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change" Hang in there bro we got your 6

 

[markwell]

Life can at times throw S*@t your way. Physical, social, and economic problems are tough to deal with but you will prevail.

We have this quote from John Taffin on the wall above our bench:

"When it gets to the point that you can't do all the things you enjoy at least enjoy all the things you can do."

We try to do something we enjoy every day and it makes getting up worthwhile. When all else fails, we pet the dog.

Good luck to you.

 

[1911_Kid]

I not sure what the question is, but.....

1) the less shiat you have, the less headache and less stress you will have. The old KISS saying is very true for you now more than it was ~20yrs ago, etc.
2) let go of everything else around you, focus on you ("good well being").
3) i have read many many times before, spend $$ on life experiences (trips, theater, community events, etc etc), and when possible ask someone to come along with you.
4) hobby. can you take up a hobby of some sort. model airplanes that you can fly. maybe model boats for a nearby lake, light gunsmithing, or some hobby that is relevant to something you liked to do in the past, etc. Maybe become a mentor for gun safety at local schools, etc.

5) this is the tricky one. is the environment around you good for you? Would a different location be better, be less stressful, provide for easier access to life experiences, etc ??

All that you have in guns/mags/ammo...... can you sell some of it? Might be an ok experience to try and sell some of it on gunbroker or the like, etc.

 

[woody b]

........................................................ I’m a Christian and ave made peace with my savior.

You're in better shape than most.

 

[Sistema1927]

Trusting in the providence of the Almighty, you can face anything. Contrary to popular opinion, Phil 4:13 isn't about conquering every challenge, but rather being content in whatever circumstance you find yourself (look at the context).

 

[jjfitch]

"I really am confused about where I go from here. Doctors tell me that every day is a blessing and with m uncontrolled blood pressure it’s amazing I haven’t had a stroke. Just looking for some ideas or insight. I’m a Christian and have made peace with my savior."

Everyone on this forum has challenges based on their perspective of where they are and where they want to be.

I won't bore you with my story since I have everything anyone could ask for X10 at age 73!

As mentioned above seek out positive people and a comfortable environment so that you will look forward to waking up every day.

What do you feel is missing in your life? Find an activity or vocation that will fulfill that need. This might mean volunteering. Don't let mobility hold you back. That is a limit you place on your self.

Personally I have reached out through my gun club and arrange to get members with mobility issues to get to the range.

I get to help others and count my blessings.

All the best in 2020 and remember when in despair pet the dog! (I love that line above, and it is proven to reduce blood pressure!)

 

[bradsvette]

It's tough to know how to respond to such a powerful and touching thread. First off, all is not lost. You're alive. A heart attack like that would have killed a normal man. But you're stronger. You survived. That's great news.

Second, you've still got your guns, ammo, and magazines. You can defend yourself. If you can almost walk a city block, you're somewhat mobile, and that's great too. After consulting with your doctor to ensure it's okay, I'd slowly start walking, or at least moving in any way you're capable of. You could slowly build up your movement and distance.

Third, my immediate neighbor is living on Social Security. He's tightened the belt and is making it. You can too. If you're able to recover some of your health, then you could get some type of part-time job. Your doctor might know of some organization that could help you regain whatever is possible, physically, and they may be able to provide some type of employment.

Hang in there. Stay as positive as possible. Try not to get down. Watch TV, read, try to laugh once in a while. And don't try to get through this alone. There is help out there. Just type it in on your computer and assess your options. As a result of this thread, you've already got several hundred praying for you. That can't hurt. Try to stay positive and don't give up! God bless you!!!

 

[Truman]

Change in Life Plans

Last spring I lost my house, business, shop and most of my belongings to the 2019 flood in the Midwest. No flood insurance meant about a 750K loss. Right now at 63yrs old I am living with my kids sleeping on a couch in their basement. I saved my modest gun collection and its laying in a pile on the floor in a spare bedroom. I have barely looked at it since spring. Although my health is fair the emotional drain is a daily struggle. I thought I was a person of strong faith but this has shaken it to the core. Daily prayers and a loving wife keep me going. The possibility of never owning a house again frightens me the most. But I constantly remind my self that all my losses were just stuff. No lives were lost and we need to appreciate the things that you just cant put value on friends family and church. The Lord has a plan and the timing is his. Keep the faith my friend. Things will work out and life goes on. Truman

 

[Amos Iron Wolf]

There is a fellow I see when I'm driving to or from here on Ft. Clark Springs. He has a brace on one leg, using a four footed cane, and looks like he was probably left partially paralyzed on one side from a stroke. He walks everyday. More that he gets out and barely shuffles. More like half steps, not even getting one foot fully past the other. Yet there he is giving it all to keep going. I don't know if I have that much fortitude. Pure will and guts in motion. Maybe slow motion, but the man is doing it. A lot of respect for him. And for the OP for carrying on.

The OP's situation makes a point that a lot of preppers and ready for anything types either fail to recognize, or most likely, don't want to think about or accept. You can do everything right and still fail, lose, or die. You can minimize risks, you can't eliminate them.

A friend and fellow forumite and I have this discussion often enough. I can still do more than he can currently, but both of us are looking at the simple fact neither of us can do enough in a true apocalypse. We aren't going to be donning our gear and go run and gun the screaming hoards (bad tactics anyway). We can just hang in there, try to die like grumpy old men with attitude, and hope we can take a few with us.

It's also affecting our attitude toward our gun collections. We like our toys, but some of things we've acquired are starting to mean less for the simple reason, there is no rational way that we would ever really use them. The idea is creeping in that a little good stuff that can serve most uses that could be tossed in a vehicle if we had to evacuate for some reason might be a better idea than a bunch of stuff that had to be left behind.

My only income now is SSI and can't get a part time job because I also look after my mother who is 85 with Parkinson's. My wife is a teacher, but has only been teaching since 2012. So her retirement won't be massive. For various reasons, some to include my own lack of better planning, we won't be fully retired with a nice nest egg. However, I've had some good memories, and currently have a good memory so I can enjoy the memories. I've had good life experiences. I've enjoyed some nice guns, knives, and things. Both as a kid I got to travel some and as an adult the Army got me some more places. Things I wouldn't have experienced otherwise.

I ain't rich or probably even middle class, but I never was really. Just a farm boy, factory worker, soldier, and few other things. In terms of dollars anyway. I could, and should have in some cases, done better financially. Some I can blame of wives past for leading me astray, but some I have to take responsibility for. But damn, when I look back and realize that when people talk about Alaska, living in various snowbelts, about the mountains, the rivers, the deserts, the seas (shore boy, not sailor), and so many other things. When they talk about sandstorms in the Middle Eastern deserts, of sleeping in a variety of environments, sometimes with just a blanket or minimal gear, of the Northern Lights, and so many other things. When I listen to a lot of people talk about those things and wonder or speculate because they have only seen them on TV or read about them. I know these things. I've been there, I felt, seen, smelled, and lived them. If there is anything I regret it's that I didn't travel as much and immerse myself in the places I have been.

To the OP. Remember your life and celebrate it. Remember those challenges you met throughout your life, and the ones that kicked your butt at the time. They taught you about life and yourself as well. There is no denying that right now sucks. Yet as you have noted, you have been gifted life that the doctors say you shouldn't have had. You haven't stroked out yet, so that's a blessing. As others have said. Look for those little highlights of the day.

It's easy to talk about living in the moment. I know I should. But, it's very hard to actually do. Especially with the western mind and way of thinking. Yet in the various religions and philosophies being present and living each simple moment is the real secret to a good life. Everything external is just that. External power. It can be taken way, lost, stolen, destroyed. We lose external power as we age and as our health deteriorates. What is inside you. Your internal power is yours and yours alone to keep or give away. Find and nourish the inner you. That's the real power.

Prayers for the OP and others here who have had to face the harsh reality, some harsher than others, that we aren't the strapping, full speed ahead, young men and women we used to be.

 

[Grandpas50AE]

Prayers for all who are struggling - most of us have at one point or another. Spiritually, financially, physically, or any of the other ways.

My best friend was diagnosed with stage 4 renal cancer in the beginning of 2009, with 12 - 18 months to live after surgery and chemo. He knew I had suffered such losses of mom, dad, fiancé, other close personal friends, and also knew I had deep faith in God and had mourned the losses of them but still had a positive view of life and my relationship with God. That final year he was alive, he stayed with my wife and me in our house, and we cared for him. So, one day he asked me while we were having a smoke in the garage: "How do you deal with a death sentence?". My answer to him was "from the moment we are conceived, we all are given a death sentence, we just don't think about that or realize it until time is close; for those who are not taken quickly". I talked to him about accepting our own mortality, which most of us don't think about until we are about 35 or 40 and realize we did some really stupid stuff in our youth and are lucky to even be here. I told him he had an unusual gift: forward knowledge of his time limit and the opportunity that it provides to get one's affairs in order. He told me he had not thought of it that way.

My final observation to him was that the only thing of REAL value we leave behind for others in this world is the loving memories we have given and shared with them, and the only thing we take from this world with us when we are called home by God is the love we have been given while we are here; love of family, love of friendship, love of our fellow man despite what little differences we have had with them - the love is what we take with us. He thought about that for a while, and a few months later I believe he was at peace when the final hours set in (at least I hope so).

Many posters above have given good advice - live what you have while you have it, and enjoy what you can each day you are given; you will have more to take with you when you depart.

Yes, I'm a Christian, and have great faith in spite of losses and setbacks along the road. Prayers sent for you and other posters here who face difficult challenges every day, as we all will. God bless.

 

[Timbo3]

Johnny remember you are still here for a purpose. You may not know what it is right now but if you ask , be patient and let our Heavenly Father guide your paths you will find out.
God speed and I am praying for wisdom which He will give.

 

[bradsvette]

Awesome posts! Amos, your post is very up-lifting. Johnny, and jjfitch, we are with you and support you. Hang in there!

 

[Amos Iron Wolf]

I think Johnny did a very good thing by making his post. It made a lot of us pause, appreciate our lives, and rethink how we live them.

See Johnny. You wondered where you go from here. You go doing just what you have done here. Inspire, remind, and help people think a bit more about what is truly important versus all the noise we surround ourselves with. You have a purpose and you are doing it well.

 

[pocketshaver]

Please understand that I’m not looking for pity. I’m just looking to wrap my head around my situation.
At one time I was sitting quite well preparation wise. Lots of food, 1000 gallons of filtered treated water. Lots of guns, magazines, ammunition. First aid supplies, fuel, communications. Blah blah blah. I was working out hard, was in decent shape, I was very strong.

Then one morning it blindsided me. Massive heart attack. Torn descending aorta. Blood pressure went insane. Here I am 8 years later, thankful to be alive as they were only given me a few months once my ascending aorta completely burst. I survived that surgery too but my arteries and veins are blown out and I can barely walk due to deep vein thrombosis in my legs. I can barely walk a city block, strap on a 40 lb bag of gear and I’m lucky to make it 50 feet.

Most of my supplies are long gone other than guns, mags ammo etc. went from a big house to a one room apartment. Had to sell my business and now live on my social security.

I really am confused about where I go from here. Doctors tell me that every day is a blessing and with m uncontrolled blood pressure it’s amazing I haven’t had a stroke. Just looking for some ideas or insight. I’m a Christian and ave made peace with my savior.

Making peace with ones self is the biggest to do. Then with ones family.

This isn't going to make you happy, or others in the same health situation. Your in the "wont survive unless the big medical event happens in a fully staffed, stocked emergency room that's in the top 5 in the united states."

At Fort Benning and military installations all over America they have small brass dedication plaques for servicemen who earned a medal in combat. Most of them along the lines of "received bronze star while holding off 1,000 screaming Chinese troops with a machine gun and 5 hand grenades to allow 10 wounded men to be evacuated with rest of the battalion"

In reality ALL of us are going to be in the same position, check point Charlie, a rifle and a few bandoliers of ammunition, and no way out. SO lets take as many of 'em with us as we can manage.

Wont be "buy your ammo cheap and stack it deep". Itll be "stack the bodies deep as hell"

 

[USMM guy]

Clearly some strong people here!

I would expect nothing less from 1911 forumites!

Godspeed!

 

[Amos Iron Wolf]

I think this tune says it well. If there are folks around to give me a wake and remember me I want this played at it. Sip good whiskies, tell the stories about me. The funny, the touching, and yes, even those where I made a fool of myself. And if they don't do that I'm not staying around for the party. I sure hope they have some bagpipers and banjo players in the afterlife. I'm not that fond of harps.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qMkQExuzL_0

This is for those forumites who have gone on, those dealing with tough struggles now, and those of us who will follow in our time.

 

[BBBBill]

I've lost several friends, even young friends, to combat and to various diseases over the last few years. I have been considering my own natural decline in health lately. Hard not to be aware of it. I have heart issues that date to my 40's that nearly killed me, although I have done well since. Well enough to do multiple deployments to many of the 'Stans and other "vacation" spots. I retired from the Army at 60 rated 100% disabled for a bunch of orthopedic issues. I realize that I cannot run with the youngsters anymore and that time will continue to degrade my remaining abilities. Not fun to realize that my 66 year old body is not capable of what it was at 20. For all that I have lost physically, I am thankful for what I still have. All else is just stuff.
So all good advice above. Enjoy the moment. Enjoy whatever real friends and family you have. Enjoy yourself. Make peace with anyone you believe you should. Above all, get close to God.